Hey everyone I want to share with you a glimpse in to my life last week.
Whilst I was painting this Leopard Tutorial last week, did I make it look easy? Did it feel like I was full of confidence? And I knew exactly what I was doing?
Well I can tell you that actually I wasn’t at all, I wasn’t feeling any of these things.
Mostly when I’m doing tutorials I tell you exactly how I’m feeling how I think things are going, if I think something looks terrible or if I think it needs re doing, but I didn’t on this occasion.
Why?
Because unfortunately some months I don’t really feel on top of the world, I feel useless and everything I do is rubbish. I’m sure I’m not alone in this.
Luckily I don’t feel like this every single month (I’m lucky) but on occasion maybe three to five months of the year I do feel like this and I feel like everything I do is rubbish and I am rubbish and I am worthless and I should pack it all in and get another job.
I actually thought that this leopard was completely and utterly awful and I had no business being a tutor and teaching you, I was comparing myself to everyone which I know I should not do and my thoughts were that I was falling way short of being anywhere near professional.
Does this shock you?
But I’ve come to recognise the symptoms and realise that actually those feelings are not real, it’s just that time of the month / year and time to take some Vitamin B6 (my doctor recommended and he was right!) . So fortunately I have enough experience to realise that my feelings were wrong and enough courage to plough on through the tutorial and believe in the process.
So telling you these things during the tutorial would not have been helpful and you might have thought I was going crazy!!
But I think that telling you these things now is really helpful and may even help you recognise that you have feelings like this too from time to time. Whether it be the time of the month or whether you just feel a bit crappy, if you’re female or male, we can all feel worthless and useless and want to give up. But if we can recognise it’s just a feeling (or hormones) and that feeling will pass and we will feel better very soon, it’s very much easier to deal with the feelings more effectively.
Hang in there and keep the faith in you.
This week I feel much better and much brighter and I look at my leopard and think, actually it’s not so bad at all, I say that with shock in my voice as I am genuinely surprised 🤣
P. S. I can tell you a lot of chocolate and sweets were consumed last week not whilst filming the tutorial though 😅
Oh, I felt the same way only yesterday and I tore up my sketch. Sometimes I am happy with my art and sometimes I am the harshest critic ever. The gap between what I was to achieve and actually produce seems so wide… Thanks for reminding me I’m not unusual.
Thanks for your comment Lorraine You Are Not Unusual at all. Maybe try reading my other posts about feeling rubbish about your art and how the brain learns
Thank you for sharing how you feel Sue. I have a mental block with my art at the moment and am stuck on the ears of the Bengal kitten. I am on the verge of giving up. I feel overwhelmed, not sure whether to move on and come back to the ears later, work on something different or take a break. Xxx
Hi Anne I would do a couple of things I would definitely have a break and move on because as I said on some of the videos sometimes you get so focused on an area that you can see every single little imperfection and yet when you finish you don’t notice those little things at all because you are not focused on them. Don’t give up keep posting in the group everyone will support you xx
Thanks for sharing.
I think something called imposter syndrome which I only learned about recently would go some way to understanding your feelings. A lot of creative people have this.
Best wishes and I hope others look it up it maybe help a bit.
Indeed Wendy, thank you for sharing 💜
Thank goodness it doesn’t happen to me often, yes, of course I often go through that UGLY stage in a drawing where I can’t decide if I should continue, but after 5yrs of drawing nearly everyday I am just emerging from a 6week period of not being able to draw at all ! Looking back, I love my garden and grow loads of plants from scratch, which for around 10weeks in Spring consumes many hours. I also had some family issues and had been feeling under the weather, and think a combination of these attributed. The worst part was the total lack of desire to draw, I started at least 3 but they were rubbish. Yet I felt my days were missing something. In the end I stopped trying and Eureka, out of no where I suddenly want to draw again! Still only for an hour or so at a time but I’m in my happy place again.
Ahhh and breathe… That’s awesome Susan, so glad to hear. Often when we take. A step back and relax the energy starts flowing again ❤️
Hello Sue,
Your leopard is lovely, full of character.
Thank you for a brilliant post and perspective.
Glad it helped x
I’m on a real low now with my art. It’s a tough game. Sometimes you need to just ride the wave. I’ve been trying to sell my art in an art shop and nothing has sold. I feel completely deflated!!! I need to just find the energy to push through or change something
Hi Vanessa, it is a tough game, but you’re in it for the long haul and these things take time. Think of it like you are sowing little seeds that need to grow and mature. You will get there, keep practicing, keep being curious – it will work for you xx
Thanks for this sue. you always manage to appear professional no matter how you are feeling inside. Well done for that and for ploughing on. We’d miss you if you threw it up. You and others like you help so many others to feel good, so important especially after the last couple of years.
I’ve lost my mojo at present partly due to lack of time and prep for my daughter’s wedding but also due to arthritis and worry about the future. Art chat and watching tutorials even if I don’t have time to do them, really helps
Hi Ann, thank you for your comment. Good to hear the tutorials still help you. I’m sure things will change fr you once you have more head space x
I get this Sue, thanks for sharing and i am always surprised at my results a few days afterwards or sometimes over night once the art pixies have been in.
I love the art pixies lol, oh I want to draw them now 🙂
I am in the same head space as well. I love art & starting a new project but by the time I’ve finished I’m criticising it to the point it gets put either in the bin or hidden in a cupboard. Then a few months later I pull it out & think the art angels have fixed it up 🙈😊
I regularly go through periods of self doubt. I can do a few really good pieces then spend days/weeks where nothing goes right.
One thing that helps me is I save all my pieces… Good and bad and it’s often food to reflect how far I’ve come.
I also try hard to take stock in my pieces and not compare too harshly to others. Everyone is at different stages of their journey and it’s good to keep that in mind.
I also soak up every opportunity to learn and try new things that are outside of my comfort zone
Thanks for sharing, Sue. The more we share with others the more we realise how normal our emotions are. Admitting our “weaknesses” and anxieties is itself a strength which shines forth in your videos.
I‘m surprised, that you had this feelings about this painting. When I saw your leopard the first time, I thought:“wow, that is one of your best paintings ever!“. I haven’t watched the tutorial yet, because I‘m at this low confidence period since several months. So I buy tutorials but never have the courage to do them…
Your honesty about your feelings is very encouraging for me. It shows, that I‘m not just a week person and I‘m not alone with this thoughts. It’s more a opportunity to grow. Thank you Sue
It’s good to know that even an artist as accomplished as you feels that way too. I frequently feel I’m making a total pigs ear of my work and need to walk away. Often when I get back it’s nowhere near as bad as I thought.
I’m sure I’m not alone in valuing your help and encouragement so may I just say thank you for all of your input.
I have that feeling most of the time and have only recently got the courage to put my art onto facebook sites for all to see,I have the time to do it but I have realised I am huge prevaricator, I think we are our own worst critics and don’t see what others can, your art is beautiful Sue x
Ah, thanks for sharing that Sue and working through those feelings. Creativity can be a fragile beast and can back us into a corner. I can lose my mojo for creativity for weeks at a time. Sometimes though, I sew or craft something I think is fab and then I look at it a week later and think oh dear, what was I thinking! I had an Etsy store in the past that didn’t do well, but I think it helped me accept the unpredictability of selling.
I love your honesty! It’s so fresh and encouraging knowing a professional artist like yourself has the same feelings as an amateur artist. It is really inspirational and it helps us to plough through those doubtful days! 🙃
Hi Sue, It was so helpful to me to read your message, it was as though you could read right into my very being. A great deal of the time I feel exactly as you have described and I empathise fully with you and the other ladies who have commented. In the past I have sold a few drawings and watercolours but I still suffer from this awful imposter syndrome and quite often feel so alone in my thoughts of self doubt. But on the positive side aren’t we all so lucky to not only have the desire to produce art work but are actually able to do so and with thanks to Sue and her wonderful tutorials (with a smattering of the human element thrown in for good measure) we are actually able to produce some pretty amazing results. I was a total beginner to pastels at the beginning of the Covid outbreak but now I know that somewhere at the back of my brain I’m beginning to get the confidence to go it alone on some pastel projects and it’s all with the dedication and patience from Sue’s tutorials. I just wish I could kick some of my self negativity.
Sue, I totally get this. A local arts council asked me to teach a beginning watercolor class to kids and while I am thrilled to teach kids to paint, in the back of my mind sometimes I think, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING? YOU’RE NOT THAT GOOD.” I have to remind myself when I think these thoughts that this is imposter syndrome. The council wouldn’t ask me (let alone pay me) to teach a class if they thought my art was crap.
(I briefly thought about teaching a pastel class but ruled that out as I am relative newbie to pastels. Maybe next summer!)
Thanks for posting this, Sue. Sharing our “weaknesses” is in fact a sign of strength and this resilience comes over in your videos.
Wow! I’ve really only been doing my artwork for about a year, commissions for the last 9 months and I feel like that with just about everything I do! I gave one commissioned piece for free because I wasn’t happy with it, and when I look back, considering my reference photo, it was quite good!
I have a long way to go to get any confidence, but my journey is so fun and wonderful! And I’m 72 years old! Lol
I went along to the Watercolour Masters and speaking to Joe Dowden, he said “not to do art every day if you don’t feel like it”. Any pressure to perform puts the mind in flight mode perhaps? Moving to a mindless activity – ironing 😀 – can give it a rest. Happy ironing or whatever floats your mindless boat ⛵
Wow thank you for being so honest & sharing this, would never have guessed that’s how you were feeling. As a beginner with pastel Snarling Leopard is the 1st tutorial I’ve done with you, I learned so much & really pleased with my finished artwork. I do get frustrated at times & have almost discarded pieces, but learned to walk away, do something else & go back with fresh perspective. I abandoned art for 30 years until 2 years ago, I still doubt anyone else will like my work, despite all the positive comments when I share it. I need to have faith & believe in myself.
think we all need to have a little more faith in ourselves xx
Sue you are a true inspiration
Thank you for making us all believe we are not alone
You rock girl 💜
Bless you Kimmi, we are all in this together x
Ironic that I saw this just now if only you knew how rubbishly I have felt since I started with your group, I couldn’t get the right sandpaper for the seascape, tried it 3 times with fifteen hunderd grit wet dry, we can’t get 1200 here in Ontario, so I just completed my 3 attempt and was about to post it and say how sorry I am its not very good. thanks I will keep a stiff upper lip and try to move on to the bengal kitten that has been my worse nightmare so after 7 days of no hydro trees falling down and pulling out our hydro meter I am about to say to day is a new beginning in all things. All good things come to those who wait, ponder and believe…
Ponder and believe, I like that Patricia. I hope you are feeling better now. Let me know how it’s going.
Oh my lovely girl – I too feel like this a lot of the time! I know it is classic imposter syndrome combined with crappy negative menopausal symptoms combined with ‘everyone else on Instagram is better/more prolific/more talented/thinner than I am’ inner voice-speak. We MUST remember that these moments pass and that we have SO much to be grateful for and proud of. Let’s keep reminding ourselves of this when those moments strike xxxxx sending lots of love T xx
Thank you Teresa, you are so kind. I’m glad i know that these moments are not real and can recognise them now xxx